please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
