you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i think my cat just said my name.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
