my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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