I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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