Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
