Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
