Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
