yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
