quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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