is your mom at the bar?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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