Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
