I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
