New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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