he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
