Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
