talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
