So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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