believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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