if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just high enough for therapy.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
