Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
