remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
