Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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