She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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