your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
