so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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