Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
