Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
