gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
