Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
