Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
