seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
