you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
