I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
