i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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