So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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