i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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