Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
