her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
