I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
