how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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