You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
