she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
