wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
