i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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