my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
