i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
