Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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