I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
