fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
