Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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