I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
