I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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